These past two weeks have been incredibly trying; anxiety ridden, panic attack laced, and heart wrenchingly awful. This piece itself is incredibly hard to write as i've never been very public about my battle with depression and anxiety. Forgive the vagueness of the cause of the delression/anxiety trigger as it isnt as important as what it has seemed to done to my crossfit progress.
This stress and anxiety has taken over my well-being lately. It has become crippling and counter productive for the life that I was striving to live. Because of this recent event and my depression spiral my CrossFit journey has slumped. This was an overwhelming and heartbreaking realization brought to my attention today. The worst part being that it wasn't completely unexpected. I could feel it happening. I could feel the excuses mounting. I knew the anxiety was sabotaging my progress but i couldn't do anything to stop it. I was trapped within my own emotions. I know in my heart that it was better that it had been noticed now and not two weeks from now but the idea that certain people; my drepession and anxiety could rule my life so easily was horrifying.
Through all of this though I have my husband to thank for opening my eyes to this sabbotage. I also have him to thank for gently putting it into words that "crossfit isn't going so well". As simple as it sounds the words hit home and opened my eyes to see this issue in front of me. I also have my amazing friends and family who have listened to all of my problems lately and who have been more than uplifting in times of hopelessness and frustration. I love you all more than words can say and I know that you truly care for me as well. Today was the worst day i've had in the past two weeks and I have my amazing husband to thank for my early Valentine's Day presents that did more than make me smile from ear to ear but made me realize that he really does get me. He gets how much CrossFit means to me and he realizes that it makes me happy. It's time to get back to my happy. It's time to take me back. I'm done letting depression run my life and i'm ready to give myself back over to the wonderful world of crossfit.
Dawn is a participant in CrossFit Nashua's 2015/2016 "Fit-For-Life" program. Participants track their progress in the CrossFit training program during the coming 1-year period and log their progress in this blog. Best of luck Dawn, in meeting your training goals!