If there was ever a person who could out do emotional stress and crying without warning better than I, I would like to meet them. This past week was hell for me. I woke up every morning with a heavy heart, face stained with tears from the night before, physically and mentally exhausted and ready to cry all over again.
I didn’t want to eat well, I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to talk with anyone, and I REALLY DIDN’T want to go to the box for fear of failing, and interacting with other people. I wanted to hide away in my bedroom, and not come out until November 1st. No one understood what my heart was going through, although I tried on many occasions to describe the pain that I was experiencing, no one really got it, and why would they? It wasn’t their brother or family that was causing this emotional stress and anguish. It wasn’t their brother’s wedding that they weren’t invited to. It simply wasn’t their problem. And sadly, that’s how I viewed my situation, until I built up the nerve to attend Monday’s (10/26/) boot camp.
Boot camp on Monday is typically hard, like “oh my god, why did I come to Monday boot camp, again?” kind of hard. Hard is a double edged sword though. Even though Monday was hard, I felt awesome when I completed it. (See previous post.) This feeling of accomplishment helped to fuel my week’s workouts. I had some serious ups and downs (more downs). I self-doubted. I didn’t want to go. I posted to my 4 teammates throughout the week how my emotional issues were beating out my need for physical change and they supported me. They helped push me to the next workout. They helped me remember why we were on this journey together, and what it meant to be focused, and go after our dreams. I am forever thankful for my teammates; Mike, Christine, Andy, and Amy. You four were my saviors this past week.
Even though dealing with my own internal family issues was hard, dealing with a physical set back was even harder. At some point during Monday’s workout I tore, or pulled (maybe even given myself a hernia) an ab muscle. This was seriously one of the worst and most awkward pains I’ve ever experienced. I could not sit up from a lying position. I couldn’t do a push-up, burpee, planks, or any ab work. Needless to say I thought I was out of commission until further notice.
This injury, plus all of the negativity that I had roaring through my head had me convinced that I wasn’t going to CrossFit that week, that I needed a week to rest, regroup, and not show up. My brain literally had me convinced that sitting home and eating was far better for my mental and physical health than getting up, going to the box, and modifying my workout so that I didn’t strain my abs any further. In my mind, I had two options. Sit at home and binge eat my feelings, and injury away, or get up go to the box and ask for a modified workout. Can you guess what option I picked?
I went. I went to each workout last week and I owned them all! I wasn’t going to let the negativity in my head win. I wasn’t going to let my sadness, and injury put me in a dark place. I needed to workout. I needed to be with a group of people whom supported and cared about me and my transformation. I needed to prove to myself that even though this journey was going to be hard, I was going to fight back harder. I couldn’t be more proud of myself for working through this past week. Looking back on it there were so many times that I could have easily quit, or ducked out and I didn’t. I did what I needed to do and I did it to the best of my ability. I’m going to see this challenge through to the end and I’m going to be a better, stronger, and healthier me for doing it.
Dawn is a participant in CrossFit Nashua's 2015/2016 "Fit-For-Life" program. Participants track their progress in the CrossFit training program during the coming 1-year period and log their progress in this blog. Best of luck Dawn, in meeting your training goals!